As hundreds of kids enter middle and high school each year, almost every one of them is negatively influenced academically by peer pressure. Teens can feel pressured into following the crowd and becoming just like others in order to be accepted. Statistics show that many teens would rather surrender to peer pressure than looked down upon by other schoolmates. Peer pressure can come in many forms such as drinking, drugs, and stealing amongst other things, putting their health or reputation on the line. Giving in to pressure is mostly caused by lack of confidence or isolation, or simply the result of bullying or even having parents that are not strict enough. Naturally teens feel that social acceptance must have some catch to it, which causes them to engage in risky behaviors. Many often fall into the wrong crowd and change their personality just to fit in with others, while others risk themselves under the impression they will make friends only to be ridiculed.
The main purpose of going to school is to get a proper education so that in the future one will succeed. But what is school life without having friends to endure the ups and downs with you? With this in mind many teens look for people around them that are similar to them in one way or another, while others look for ways to gain social status and “become someone.” Either way all are at risk of making poor decisions based on persuasion from their “friends.” The negative effects are most commonly referred to because as adolescents most of their time is spent with those outside of their immediate family.
In any school you will find students that generally don’t care about their academic performance. In most cases these are the “popular” students. Students who are socially lower than others strive to reach a certain level of acceptance start cutting classes or stop doing work thinking it will give them more time to prove they can be cool.
One of the most common situations of peer pressure is teen drinking. During the four years of high school many students go to parties where drinking is basically a social norm and all partygoers are expected to engage in the festivities. Whether or not they know the consequences of the activity, the only thing running through their minds is “will I be liked more if do this?” Not thinking of how this will affect them later in life. Studies show that drinking early on in life can not only cause severe liver problems but also memory lapse and brain erosion. Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to development of brain disorders such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS), which can lead to learning disabilities, which would be detrimental to students.
Another situation that friends can influence one in is drugs/smoking. Sure you might refuse a cigarette or some other drug once or twice, but what if your friends keep persisting that you just try it once? Once becomes twice and then a few more times. Drugs like alcohol have harmful effects on the brain. Drugs tend to falsely activate neurotransmitters that cause exhilaration and other pleasurable feelings that may last for a short period of time; however they also leave behind long term effects that cause memory loss and irrational thinking
While drugs and alcohol can lead to harmful malfunctions of the brain there is also the case of teenage pregnancy. Statistic show that one in three teen males feel pressured by male friends to have sex before they are ready. In addition many females say that they give in to sex because of their boyfriends. Careless mistakes of giving in to a partner can often lead to unwanted pregnancies, which leave both people at risk of having to drop out of school and leaving their education behind.
With all the ways that peer pressure can mess with the well being of teenagers, there are ways of preventing teens from surrendering. Researchers have seen that one of the most effective ways of preventing teens from feeling that they need to do what others think is acceptable is family support. Others ways that can prevent any type of rebellion by teens is setting up firm boundaries and having regular and open discussions with their children. According to researchers homes that have less rules and uninvolved parents are most vulnerable to falling victim to peer pressure.
11 comments:
1. A. Teens who fall under peer pressure.
B. Against peer pressure
C. It tries to “hook” me and capture my attention by stating facts about teens who do get influenced by peer pressure and why they might.
D. I believe its fine.
2. Arguments:
- Main purpose of going to school is to educate yourself, not to become popular.
- Peer pressure can lead to drinking and abusing drugs
- It also may lead to teenage pregnancies.
3. Honestly…I don’t see any.
4. A. You need some opposition points…
B. Your strongest point would be where you talked about how peer pressure causes teens to start drinking and busing drugs. I think this is your strongest point because you have some facts to prove it.
C. Your weakest point would be where you mention “students who are socially lower than others strive to reach a certain level of acceptance start cutting classes or stop doing work thinking it will give them more time to prove they can be cool” . I believe it is your weakest, because I think it could be proven by showing the status of couple of students from different schools. Maybe compare a very popular school such as Townsend Harris High School and one not so good school such as Jamaica High School.
D. I think it’s in the correct order.
E. One point you could mention is the commercial shown on TV, “Above the Influence”. You could mention the media.
F. For counterargument, maybe there are some people who pressure their peers to do stuff that might be helpful to them, such as positive peer pressure.
5. “As hundreds of kids enter middle and high school each year, almost every one of them is negatively influenced academically by peer pressure. “
6. I think the thesis statement is well written.
7. A. Your paragraphs are good. They aren’t too long nor are they short. They contain enough information; except for the paragraph talk about the “socially lower students”
B. Topic sentences are good. They let the reader know what the paragraph will be about.
C. The transition between each paragraph is good. It connects well with each of the previous paragraphs.
D. Mechanics are good.
8. 1. “In any school you will find students that generally don’t care about their academic performance.”
Maybe instead of “in any school…” it could be “In many schools you…”
(I could only find one sentence)
Argumentative Research Essay Evaluation Points
1. Read only the introduction to the essay and then answer the following questions. Make sure to post them in the “comments” section (you can find the link at the bottom of the post where it says “0 comments.” The 0 will change, obviously, as you and your classmates leave responses). Make sure to include your name at the top of the post.
• What do you think this essay will be about? Peer Pressure
• What position is the writer taking? She thinks its bad.
• How does the introduction try to “hook” your attention? She says how the statistics show students would much rather surrender to peer pressure that be made fun of.
• Make some specific suggestions for trying to improve this introduction. She uses statistics and shows her argument. (it doesn't need anything)
2. Read through the essay carefully. As you read, list the writer’s arguments to
support the thesis.
-Can come in many forms such as drinking, drugs and stealing
-Social acceptance leads to "risky behavior"
-don't care about academic performance
-"Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to development of brain disorders such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS), which can lead to learning disabilities, which would be detrimental to students"
.3. List the counterarguments the author has recognized.
-Doesn't have.
- Try finding out what the teens actually think
4. After the reading the text and listing the arguments and counterarguments the writer presents, answer the following questions:
• How well does the writer deal with the opposition? There are no counter arguments.
• What is the writer’s strongest point and why? Abusing substances such as alcohol and drugs can lead to health risks.
• What is the writer’s weakest point and why? Should it be eliminated? Strengthened? Replaced with something else? Make specific suggestions for revision. She needs counter arguments. Try finding out what students think and their opinion.
• Are the points of the argument organized in the most effective manner? If not, suggest a more strategic order. Its fine
• Try to come up with at least one more strong point that supports the viewpoint the writer is taking and would strengthen the essay. How are teenagers neglected and why? who is to blame?
• Now try to come up with at least one more counterargument that the author has not addressed. Suggest ways to include this in the essay. Students who want the drinking age lowered and why. What do they think is the benefit?
5. Rewrite the thesis statement, concentrating on clarity, word choice, argumentative tone, etc. Try to write a better thesis statement for the essay.
As hundreds of kids enter middle school and high school each year, most them are directly influenced by peer pressure.
6. Choose two full sentences you think would benefit from revision. Copy and paste them, then rewrite them in a way you feel is clearer, less awkward, and more effective.
In any school you wil lfind students that generally dont care about their academic performance" try - There are several school where you can find studensts that..
other than that she's prettty good !!
7. Make mention of several other useful objects for revision: misspelled words, topic sentences, transitions between paragraphs, etc.
Try finding some counter arguments.
1.A. Teenagers facing peer pressure.
B. Against peer pressure.
C. The introduction "hooked" my attention because peer pressure is a broad topic that many, including myself can relate to.
D. The introduction is straightforward.
2. -Peer pressure negatively influences teenagers. (Drugs, sex, alcohol...)
3. There are no counterarguments recognized.
4.A. Again, there are no counterarguments.
B. Your strongest point is when you mentioned Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. It shows that there is an actual negative effect.
C. Your weakest point is the lack of methods of preventing teens from giving into peer pressure.
D. You should think of more ways to prevent peer pressure.
E. You limited acts of peer pressure. Bullying is a problem that affects millions. Many kids only bully because they're pressured to follow the "trend" and fear they will be the next victim.
F. Peer pressure can be positive too. A team member can feel pressured to get good grades so he/she wouldn't let the team down.
5. An enormous amount of middle and high school students are negatively influenced academically due to peer pressure.
6. "Whether or not they know the consequences of the activity, the only thing running through their minds is “will I be liked more if do this?” Not thinking of how this will affect them later in life. "
Take out "Not thinking of how this will affect them later in life" You already stated at the beginning that they do not truly care about the consequences.
7. You should include statistics to back your arguments.
1. A) This essay will be about peer pressure
B) She thinks that peer pressure is bad and can cause others to make bad decisions.
C) She tries to “hook” the audience by giving statistics and saying how we are affected by peer pressure
D) No revisions really needed
2. Arguments:
➢ Kids go to school to get an education, not be pressured
➢ Peer pressure leads to risky behavior
➢ Leads to poor academic performance
➢ It can have negative medical effects as well
3. Counterarguments:
➢ No counterarguments can be recognized
4. A) there are no counterarguments in order to deal with the opposition
B) Her strongest point is that peer pressure leads to students making bad decisions and the Wernicke Korsokoff Syndrome because it actually shows the negative affects
C) Weakest point: you don’t have any counter arguments
D) I like how you start with the causes then you should talk about the effects more clearly because there can be both positive and negative effects.
E) Talk about how bullying usually accompanies peer pressure and that those do not usually have the best outcomes (ex: bullying can lead to suicide (etc.))
F) Peer pressure can have positive effects too like many students feel pressured to do well in school because they want to do better than the others.
5. Many Middle and High School students are negatively affected by peer pressure.
6. One of the most common situations of peer pressure is teen drinking. Revised: Teens are often pressured into drinking, by their peers.
Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to development of brain disorders such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS), which can lead to learning disabilities, which would be detrimental to students Revised: Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to development of brain disorders, such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS). This disorder can lead to learning disabilities, which is detrimental to students.
7. Add counterarguments and add more statistics to support your arguments.
1) A. Peer pressure and the dangerous affects it has on middle and high school students every year.
B. She is against peer pressure.
C. The intro tries to ‘hook’ your attention by mentioning all of the dangers teens that give in to peer pressure face.
D. It would be better if your first sentence included an actual statistic of how many middle and high school students get hurt or maybe even die in peer pressure related incidents. That would grab the attention of the reader more and put the issue you’re presenting more to scale.
2. -Being pressured into consuming alcohol (especially large quantities of it) can lead to brain disorders and other complications that teens don’t think about.
-Friends can also be pressured to smoke or use drugs. Drugs also have harmful affects on the brain including memory loss and irrational thinking.
-Teenage pregnancy is also a result of peer pressure (1/3 teen males are pressured to have sex before they’re ready). Girls give in to (unprotected) sex because of their boyfriends’ persistence.
3. There are no counterarguments – no positive aspects of peer pressure
4) A. She does not deal with the opposition – no counterarguments presented
B. Her strongest point is how peer pressure leads often leads to alcohol abuse amongst high school students. You include the name of a specific brain defect that results from consuming too much alcohol.
C. Her weakest point is her paragraph on teen pregnancy. She uses one statistic whereas I’m sure if she could include more facts and numbers it would make her argument stronger.
D. The arguments are organized very well and it is clear what she is discussing in each paragraph.
E. Another reason peer pressure is negative is the loss of individuality and identity. Feeling inclined to emulate your friends in every aspect gives way to a loss of self that may have you continuously making the wrong decisions in life even when your friends are long gone.
F. There are some peer groups that push you to make good decisions. Your friends could be about academics and enriching themselves culturally. Not everyone is obsessed with drinking, drugs and sex. It just requires you to choose your friends wisely based on your interests and what you have in common.
5. ‘As hundreds of kids enter middle and high school each year, almost every one of them is negatively influenced academically by peer pressure’
While hundreds of kids enter middle and high school each year over 50% will admit they engaged in some type of illegal or destructive activity because their peers pressured them.
6. ‘Many often fall into the wrong crowd and change their personality just to fit in with others, while others risk themselves under the impression they will make friends only to be ridiculed.’
Many adolescents fall into the wrong crowd and conform to fit in with those they deem socially elevated, while others risk their lives under the impression that they will make friends when in actuality they are ridiculed.
‘The negative effects are most commonly referred to because as adolescents most of their time is spent with those outside of their immediate family.’
The negative effects of peer pressure are most commonly mentioned because they are the result of spending time with people outside of one’s immediate family who mean you no good.
7.Include more facts and maybe even quotes to back up your argument and expand more on the topic (maybe the inclusion of one more point that backs up your argument and definitely at least 2 counter-arguments).
Argumentative Research Essay Evaluation Points
1.
A. Peer Pressure
B. Against peep pressure
C. Lists the different types and causes.
D. Use specific numbers and percentages from statistics, not just what they imply.
2. Peer pressure leads to a variety of problems each having their own negative effect, whether it be disease or addiction.
3. None really shown except that teens don't think they'll succumb so easily to pressure.
4.
A. Not a lot of opposition stated.
B. Teen Drinking and the negative effects. She list disorders associated with it.
C. Teens stating they'll only take drugs one time. Should more support for why teens think this.
D. Argument order is fine. Each sub category is talked about separately.
E. Try to find something to indicate that teenage years are when people are most prone to addiction.
F. I'm not sure what can be said as a counterargument for this topic.
5. Thesis is clear for peer pressure but the topic should be something narrower in my opinion.
6. Students who are socially lower than others strive to reach a certain level of acceptance start cutting classes or stop doing work thinking it will give them more time to prove they can be cool.
It's a run-on sentence.
Unpopular students, or social outcasts, try desperately to fit in by cutting classes and not doing their work.
7. The essay topic I think may be a bit too broad. Should try picking a specific type of peer pressure related problem like teen drinking that was mentioned. A lot of body paragraphs seem too opinionated as well.
1.A) I think the essay will be about teenage peer pressure.
B) The writer is against peer pressure, stating why it is bad for kids to follow the crowd.
C) I think it was a very good introduction stating why kids fall to peer pressure and also why peer pressure is bad. But what is the counter-argument?
D) As I said, I like the introduction, but I don’t see any counter-argument.
2. Students who want to “be cool” and gain social status do poorly in school, cut class – just to “fit in.” Peer pressure extends to drinking, drugs, and teenage pregnancy, which can cause severe mental and health issues.
3. I didn’t see any counter-argument; all I got from the essay was why peer-pressure is bad.
4. A) There was no opposition clearly stated.
B) The writer did a very good job of explaining why teens fall to peer pressure and why it is bad for them in the long run.
C) It doesn’t seem like an argumentative essay because there are no arguments.
D) (see above)
E) …
F) …
5. It’s hard to comment on it because there isn’t really an argument in this essay.
6.
***Try to come up with an argument from these facts.
1
-Peer pressure in teens.
- Writers position is the opposing side.
- Draw you in, stating the issue at hand.
- Use of some statistics.
2
- Teens easily fall into peer pressure in order to be "cool"
- Strict parents have an effect.
3- Peer pressure is bad, no counter arguments noticed.
4
-Appropriately although, may need some #'s to help support the thesis.
-The writer did a very good job of explaining why teens fall to peer pressure and why it is bad for them in the long run.
- Weakest point may have been about teen pregnancy, minimal support.
-Did not seem so argument
5
-Thesis is clear for peer pressure.
7
- Seemed very opinionated, need more facts.
1
-This essay will be about teenager peer pressure.
-The writer is opposing peer pressure, it negatively influenced teenagers.
-This introduction hooks my attention by provided statistics and listed different kind form of peer pressure.
-It is fine.
2
-Peer pressure come in many forms such as drinking,durgs,problem of teenage pregnancy etc.
-Drugs and alcohol result harmful effect.
-Many often fall into the wrong crowd and change their personality just to fit in with others.
3
-No counterargument.
4
A-The writer dose not deal with the opposition since there is no countargument.
B-Her strongest point is she listed different forms of peer pressure and elaborate them one by one.
C-Her weakest point is no counterargument.
D-Since the third paragraph is very short, you can combine it with second paragraph.
E-Falling into the wrong crowd will result not only changes in their personality but also the future.
F-lacking of self and family control.
5
It's fine.
6
[Statistic show] that one in three teen males feel pressured by male friends to have sex before they are ready. ---Statistics show or Statistic shows
7
Give information on the amount of teenager under peer pressure and show examples, not telling what kind of peer pressures there are.
1. A) The essay will be about peer pressure among teens.
B) The writer is taking the position that she is against peer pressure.
C) It hooked my attention by presenting how peer pressure is hugely influencing the teens.
D) I think it is fine.
2. –teens cutting classes or stop doing work hoping to be “cool”
-peer pressure can lead to drinking alcohol, which can cause liver problems and other disorders.
-using drug/smoking and teenage pregnancy are also the result of peer pressure.
3. –To have friends that will help you endure the ups and downs of school life.
4. A) The writer deals with the opposition okay, but could mention more counterarguments.
B) I think all the writer’s points are strong, because it outlines how peer pressure will lead to each consequence and the harmful effects of each consequences.
C) Could make the points stronger by adding some study statistics to each of your argument points.
D) The points are organized okay, each point is neither most effective or least effective.
E) One argument could be that adolescents could loose their self-identity and can cause confusion to one’s self identity.
F) Maybe peers can help one to not feel alone.
5. As hundreds of kids enter middle and high school each year, almost every one of them is negatively influenced by peer pressure.
6. “Either way all are at risk of making poor decisions based on persuasion from their “friends.” The negative effects are most commonly referred to because as adolescents most of their time is spent with those outside of their immediate family.”
Revised: Either way all are at risk of making poor decisions based on persuasion from their “friends.”, because adolescents spent most of their time with those outside of their immediate family.
“Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to development of brain disorders such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS), which can lead to learning disabilities, which would be detrimental to students.”
Revised: Excessive alcohol consumption can lead to development of brain disorders such as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS), which can lead to learning disabilities.
7. The essay is good, but include some more study statistics to back up your points as well as one more counterargument to strengthen the essay.
Jessica You
1A) I think this essay will be about how teens get effected by peer pressure.
1B) The writer is taking the position against the peer pressure.
1C) It hook my attention, because we are or have been teens ourselves and we can relate to it when we were back in middle school/high school. Many fall into wrong crowd and try to change to fit in.
1D) I think it's okay.
2) Arguments to support the thesis:
*Peer pressure come in many forms such as doing drugs, smoking, and stealing.
*Purpose of school is for education, not to gain a status.
*Giving in to their partner can lead to unwanted pregnancies.
3) Counterarguments:
*Teens would rather surrender to peer pressure than be looked down.
*Social acceptance cause them to feel to engage in risky behaviors.
*Gain social status and "become someone"; prove themselves to be cool.
4A) I think she did ok.
4B) The writer's strongest point is that she stated how peer pressure can lead teens to engage in "risky" activities; such as drugs and alcohol.
4C) The writer's weakest point ... X
4D) Yes.
4E) Should stand up for what you think is right instead of always following the popular crowd.
4F) Teens wanna be with their peers, people who they identify as "friends" and follow their footsteps. They might have low self esteem and not enough confidence.
5) thesis-statement: Upon entering middle school and high school, peer pressure negatively influence teens in many ways.
6) "Statistics show that many teens would rather surrender to peer pressure than looked down upon by other schoolmates."
I think you should put "be" after "than".
"With this in mind many teens look for people around them that are similar to them in one way or another, while others look for ways to gain social status and “become someone.""
[revised] With this in mind many teens look for people around them that are similar to themselves in one way or another, while others look for ways to gain social status and “become someone.”
7) Some statistics would be better.
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